Day 9 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 9 - Post words of wisdom that speak to you

Good gravy, people. There are so many! I've read several books that have been incredibly influential in my growth and I like to read blogs written by people who are figuring out their lives at a faster pace than most. I am trying to always be in a position to receive wisdom so I don't lose hope or start doubting the journey.

I guess the bit of advice that's been most valuable to me has been that the energy you put out into the world is the energy that you get back. So if you are focusing on being broke and your crappy job and your low self-esteem, if you are focusing on fear and being stuck in a rut, whatever your are focusing on, you are inviting into your life.

Don't get me wrong, "into every life a little rain must fall" and some people get hurricanes despite their energy. I know, life is not for wimps. BUT - when I stopped being afraid of not having control and let my life unfold without judgement, it was easier to keep a clear head to make better decisions. I no longer felt like a victim of circumstance. When I started feeling more positive about myself and my abilities, I felt more powerful. I'm braver and more fulfilled now and it all comes down to the energy and thoughts that I generate.

Activity can work against depression. Letting go of control can release fear. Treating yourself well can lead to others treating you well. Any forward motion, even baby steps, can gather momentum. Gratitude opens you up to more blessings.

I see it and I see the truth of it. I've seen it work for me. It's not always easy to remember but I am making a conscious effort to stay positive and grateful and excited about what's next.

By the way, one of the best books for this attitude is You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Star Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

Day 5 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 5 of the 30 Day Writing Challenge

List 5 Places You Want to Visit

Oh man, just 5? I'm gonna have to group some places together.

1. Ireland and the British Isles. I want to see it all. All the historical sites, museums, pubs, live music, misty cliffs, the new mixed in with the old. I want to spend a lot of time and immerse myself in the places that have an amazing vibe. I want to make friends and see the stuff tourists don't usually see, eat the local food and try new drinks.

2. Hawaii. The more I hear about it, the more I want to go. I want to hike and play in the water and experience a true tropical place.

3. Oregon. I totally want to see the northwest region of the US. I'm very interested in checking out Portland. I have a friend who goes there frequently and he thinks I would love it.

4. Colorado. I love mountains. It just looks so beautiful there and I think there is a very "maker" sort of spirit there that I would like to check out.

5. Santa Fe, New Mexico. I want to check out all of the art and artisan products!

Really, I want to go everywhere. If someone suggested a vacation to just about anywhere, I would be on board. I liked the cruise I went on and I want to go on more cruises. A friend of mine cruised the Rhine and I was crazy jealous! There is a ton of stuff in Austria, Holland, Iceland, Germany, Greece, Romania, etc etc that I want to see and experience. It's a whole wide world out there and I want to get so see it!

Day 3 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Haha, so it's not the 3rd consecutive day but I'm picking up where I left off. Consistency is clearly a problem. Right now I have a unique situation though - I am unemployed. I'll write a whole thing about that later but for right now, just know that I have more time to write now. Because that's what writers do, they write.

Day 3 - What are your top three pet peeves?

Oh my goodness. Top 3, that's hard to narrow down. Am I a terrible person because of that? Probably.

#1 - People who won't shut the fuck up and move the fuck away from me. There are so many instances of this in my life but there are definitely two that stand out.

The first guy used to corner me at work so I could listen to lot of bragging and long-winded stories that were not entertaining. He was completely immune to my discomfort and annoyance. I stepped it up by ignoring him or telling him "I'm busy, I gotta go, etc" and that worked zero percent. I even tried to get my boss to intervene on my behalf. He just wouldn't shut up.

I talk a good sass game but I am ultimately polite to a fault. I don't like to hurt people's feelings or get confrontational, partially because I am either a 1 or a 10 on the emotional outburst scale. I let situations like this go for so long, hoping they will just magically work out without intervention, that I become even more hesitant to speak up for fear that I will either be too nice or I will come across as a hysterical woman.

So I did the only thing I could think of: I started avoiding him. In an office of around 100 people, this was pretty difficult. I had to stop going to the break room, I tried to avoid going to the bathroom, I parked in a different area, I used the least-convenient stairs, and I carefully timed my exits. It was a huge part of my day to avoid that guy.

I met the second guy when I was attempting to be a part of organized religion. He had a big, booming voice that he would use to repeat himself incessantly, parrot movie quotes, and generally be a pompous asshole. He was also incredibly selfish and a horrible husband and father. It was painful to witness. No one liked him; no one. He was THE WORST. But it was church, so everyone had to be fake nice and put up with him.

When I imagine what hell would be like, I assume it's just me in a room with those two.

#2 - Attempts to manipulate me, especially "guilting" me. I hate this so much. I tend to get into relationships with narcissistic people and then realize that I am being manipulated only after years of feeling like a crazy person. Like I said, I am usually nice to a fault and I believe people are basically decent so it's always a huge shock to discover I'm being lied to and manipulated. I'm getting better at spotting it but it does make me unusually hostile towards sales people, hahahaha!

#3 - Repetitive sounds. I like music with a good beat. I hate when you are in traffic and all you can hear is the beat in someone else's car. I hate when people turn up the bass super loud. I hate the sound of clocks ticking. I hate when a fan gets imbalanced and starts making a rhythmic click, an appliance makes a weird sound, or something in the car is rattling. These sounds makes me so anxious that I have to stop what I'm doing and try to fix it. It feels like my skin is trying to jump off my body and I actually feel nauseated. Ugh so awful!

Writing from a Prompt: Sunrise

Until that day, I had never watched the sun rise. Oh, I'd skulked home from some ill deed in the waning shadows and stumbled out of many a tavern in the wee hours of morning.  But, wrapped up in my haste or stupor, I'd never seen the stars slowly dim into a rosy-hued sky. I had no idea the sun would slip up behind the citadel and slide gently around each of the spires until the whole structure seemed gilded in the sun's golden light. The city itself, once clad in the misty shrouds of night, was gradually reborn in a riot of color and sound. It as as if the world were new again, and I was too, just for having seen it.

Begin Again

I'm starting over. 

You are a vital part of that. I'm working on a lot of things and I need you to help me. 

(No pressure.)

I finished my children's book The Grumpus - well, I finished the latest draft. I'll be attending a revision class this month so there will likely be at least one more draft. At any rate, it's done-ish and I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Self-publish? Find an illustrator? Submit it somewhere? Do I need an agent? I have no idea. And what do I do when I don't know what to do? Nothing. That's gotta change. I need to get The Grumpus out there, if only to prove to myself that I can.

I need to write and I need to become comfortable with being vulnerable. So I thought I'd begin a writing blog. Part journal, part flash fiction, part book review, part sounding-board; this many-headed beast will be my new best friend. I hope. My brain is constantly abuzz with plots and characters and ideas and I'm going to start writing them down. And then I'm going to show them to you. ::Shrieking in terror:: That will become another book and it will be wonderful and imperfect and we will have made that possible together. 

 I really struggle with being vulnerable so I can't promise that some of the entries won't be incredibly awkward but I'm hoping to power though that. One of the qualities I most admire is raw honesty; that rare ability to be real without being cruel and without fear of other people's judgement. Amanda Palmer does this beautifully - she really lives her life, and she does so unapologetically. She's imperfect, her life is imperfect, and it doesn't stop her from doing one thing. I ... am not like that. But I can learn. I can keep trying. (Side note: I'm actually not a huge fan of Amanda's music but I find her life and her art very inspiring)

I can't promise you the smoothest journey, or even one that makes any sense, but I can confidently say that it will be an adventure. It will be full of anxiety, laughter, side notes, weird observations, tears, and so many words and I am so grateful that you are coming along with me. 

Thank you in advance.