Day 9 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 9 - Post words of wisdom that speak to you

Good gravy, people. There are so many! I've read several books that have been incredibly influential in my growth and I like to read blogs written by people who are figuring out their lives at a faster pace than most. I am trying to always be in a position to receive wisdom so I don't lose hope or start doubting the journey.

I guess the bit of advice that's been most valuable to me has been that the energy you put out into the world is the energy that you get back. So if you are focusing on being broke and your crappy job and your low self-esteem, if you are focusing on fear and being stuck in a rut, whatever your are focusing on, you are inviting into your life.

Don't get me wrong, "into every life a little rain must fall" and some people get hurricanes despite their energy. I know, life is not for wimps. BUT - when I stopped being afraid of not having control and let my life unfold without judgement, it was easier to keep a clear head to make better decisions. I no longer felt like a victim of circumstance. When I started feeling more positive about myself and my abilities, I felt more powerful. I'm braver and more fulfilled now and it all comes down to the energy and thoughts that I generate.

Activity can work against depression. Letting go of control can release fear. Treating yourself well can lead to others treating you well. Any forward motion, even baby steps, can gather momentum. Gratitude opens you up to more blessings.

I see it and I see the truth of it. I've seen it work for me. It's not always easy to remember but I am making a conscious effort to stay positive and grateful and excited about what's next.

By the way, one of the best books for this attitude is You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Star Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

Day 8 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 8 - Share Something You Struggle With

Good grief, it might be easier for me to list the things I don't struggle with.

The biggest struggle I'm facing right now is my lack of focus. I read a lot of advice/self-help stuff and the key to getting your ideal life always seems to be laser-like focus.

My mind is everywhere and nowhere.  I have literally taken 3 breaks just while writing this far. Once, because I was getting a headache from not wearing my glasses - why was I even at the computer without my glasses to begin with? The next time was because I clicked over to Facebook for no reason and browsed like 6 things in my feed before remembering that I'm supposed to be writing. The third time I walked around my kitchen aimlessly and then got cereal (my stomach is off, as usual) before I remembered that I was in there to take an allergy pill. So yeah. That's a 10 minute slice of my day and I'm always like that.

I read a book (fib: I read the first few chapters) about female ADD/ADHD and it seems like a reasonable diagnosis for me when you look at the symptoms. I was thinking of myself as a lazy, absent-minded procrastinator so it was a relief to think that maybe it has more to do with the way my brain works than being a deeply flawed person.

Being this easily distracted means that I forget to finish things that I started because I've already moved on to something new. I have trouble cleaning house because I start reading a magazine I found while picking up. Or I'll stop sweeping because I remember that I set a goal to do laundry so I go into my room to get clothes which reminds me that I need to make the bed but maybe I shouldn't because I meant to wash the sheets yesterday anyway and wow, I need to put away this jewelry before I start losing earrings, what was that thing on Pinterest to organize jewelry and make up? Down the rabbit hole I go, only to emerge when I realize that it's time to pick up Alex from school and I have nothing  to show for my day.

Hilariously, there is an opposite to this as well. I will focus on one thing to the exclusion of all other stimulus. Usually, it's because I'm doing something creative and I'm in the zone. I can't hear my name being called in this mode. I can't follow a conversation or finish a sentence because I'm so physically and mentally involved with whatever it is. Sometimes I emerge from this state disoriented or drained. While it's exhausting and difficult to explain to other people, I prefer this version of myself because it's so productive and because the feeling in the zone is so sharp and euphoric.

I'm working on achieving more of those "in the zone" periods. I'm trying to set goals and create rules for myself; I'm using apps for meditation and developing good habits. I want to do better and to be more but, yeah, it's definitely a struggle.

My Inside Voice

You know how we like to tell rowdy kids "use your inside voice"?

This is not that.

This is my Inside Voice, the running monologue in my brain. It's the voice that most people don't know about because I try to be Nice.

After all:

       "You attract more flies with honey than vinegar."

Well, I'm not collecting flies here.

"Nice" is a dangerous word, especially for a woman, because it's a weapon in the hands of everyone but you. Nice means keeping your opinion to yourself or sugar-coating it. Nice is giving away ownership of your feelings and your power to keep others comfortable and happy. It means smiling even though you are uncomfortable, angry, or hurt because burdening other people is Not Nice. Nice girls are lying, self-conscious doormats.

The opposite of Nice varies with the situation but, unless you are under the age of 7, the opposite of Nice is not Mean. Sometimes the opposite of Nice is Selfish. Sometimes it's Lazy or Rude or Opinionated or Ungrateful. Sometimes it's High Maintenance; as though simply having wants and needs is offensive to the rest of the world. 

This is my blog and I'm going to use my Inside Voice. You are going to learn things about me that you will not like. You might be surprised and upset by my opinions and beliefs. I will read and write things that will make you uncomfortable. I will probably say "fuck" a lot because Words Have Power and I get to choose my own words and wield my own power. I don't say and do these things to hurt you, though I am almost certain it will be interpreted that way. I'm going to say and do these things because my Inside Voice isn't going to be Nice all the time, it won't be stifled or minimized to please you. I am sorry for the way that makes you feel but I will not be sorry for living my version of my life instead of yours.