Hustle Up

As you may or may not know, I have started working for a couple of popular delivery services to keep contributing financially to the family. I started with Favor because their marketing is very good. I mean, it's hard to say no. Unfortunately, Favor was cool for like, a day. Then I realized how much gas I was using and mileage I was putting on the car for $8 an hour and that was the end of that. Plus, it was insanely stressful. Driving can make me anxious and I constantly felt pressed for time so that just heightened the anxiety. It was not a match for my personality. I was discouraged but not beaten (and, frankly, still desperate) so I looked into Shipt.

Shipt is pretty great. It's a grocery delivery service that I've actually used many times in the past. I feel like the company is more supportive, has a better app, and is just a lot easier for someone like me. Less driving, less confusion, less room for error. I do wish Shipt would adopt Favor's minimum tipping policy, but it's still better money than Favor was on a good day.

(Side note - Favor is owned by HEB and if they would let you do only grocery deliveries on their app, I would totally participate again. Just putting that out in the universe.)

I tell you all of this so that you have a little background going in to this story. This is the story of a no good, very bad shop.

I put myself on the schedule for Shipt not really having much expectation of being busy. The market saturation in my area ensures that I don't get many offers. To my surprise, I was offered 2 shops in rapid succession. The first shop was a doozie and it was a bit of a risk because it had a lot of items but not a lot of time before the delivery window. At the same time, a big order means better money and I need money so... not really a tough choice.

Well, it was an adventure. I wasn't familiar with the grocery store that I was shopping so trying to find the items was frustrating. It was an HEBplus so it's stupid-huge like Cabellas but with pantry items instead of hunting and fishing gear. I had to ask directions to the cheese. I feel ridiculous just typing that.

The store was PACKED. Everyone was shopping that day and there were at least 2 HEB in-store shoppers with their giant carts, taking up room in the narrow aisles. I love them, they work hard and they have a lot going on. But, man oh man, there was really not enough room for them, me, and all the regular shoppers.

Side note - I love that shoppers have professional courtesy. Whenever any of the "professional" shoppers see each other, no matter what platform we are working for, we always offer each other sympathetic smiles, try to stay out of each other's way, and shout out well wishes and encouragement. Stay strong fellow shoppers!

Back to the adventure. So many of the items on my 55 item shopping list were not available. I was constantly texting the client with substitutions and their sizes and prices for comparison. Waiting on a response is difficult because you are dead in the water until you get a yea or nay. There are times when I am confident enough with a substitution and I will just stick it in the cart and keep shopping while I wait for confirmation but, if I'm not sure, I stay in that aisle because backtracking feels like defeat. But being an unmoving blob in the pasta aisle is also a problem. Regular shoppers don't see a person providing great customer service, they see an obnoxious woman taking up space while she frantically texts and mutters under her breath.

The cart got heavy quickly because this particular client wanted a lot of canned items. The order was at least 3/4 canned and bottled. In fact, they wanted something like 20 cans of soup and only 6 of them were duplicates. So 14 individual cans of soup with very similar names... it was madness. I could feel the time ticking away as I struggled to find yet another can of chicken noodle soup that was somehow different from all the other previous chicken noodle soups that were already in the cart. How are there so many unique vegetable beef soups when they are all made by Progresso??? I was sweaty and flustered by the time I found them all.

In the middle of the shop (and, coincidentally, the middle of this grocery store), it all just kinda fell apart. You know those bulk supplies of water, 32 bottles of 16.9oz water bottles, all plastic-wrapped together? This client needed 4 of them. Plus an 18 pack of Gatorade. Plus 4 different brands of soda in 4 different container-types. I mean, the soda wasn't really a problem but I was so WTF-ed out by then, it seemed like a ludicrous request.

The basket was beyond full and I still had like 15 more items. It's so heavy, I had to brace myself and push with non-existent muscle groups to get it rolling. I looked ridiculous. I felt like I was thrust into some strange Cross-fit/Supermarket Sweep crossover without my consent.

I finally had to admit defeat and call Shipt to get my second shop reassigned. There's no way I was delivering the current order on time, much less segueing into another shop successfully. That sucked for me but hopefully the client got their order on time.

Side note - omg, the people who work as Shipt shopper support are the nicest people in the world. So understanding and helpful. Bless you, beautiful support people!

The rest of the shop is a blur of trying to find substitutes and shoving a 2 ton cart up and down aisles without audible grunting.

Checking out was fun because the teenagers on the register found the order as bizarre as I did. They made me promise not to deliver the groceries into a weird bunker for my own safety. They also conspicuously did not offer to help me out to my car (I really can't blame them) so my pride and I unloaded the survival rations (???) into the trunk of my tiny car.

Life disappointed me yet again here, folks; there was standing water in my cooler bag. Now, I'm not blaming that on my husband... but I'm not NOT blaming it on him either. It could have been either of us. So it could have definitely been him.

Anyway, I can't put the cold stuff in the cooler and deliver wet bags because I imagined how horrified I would be if someone delivered wet grocery bags to me and there were no leaks in my grocery items. I would have to wonder why the bags were wet and my imagination is fertile so that would not go well. In the end, I just hoped that the house was truly only 7 minutes away like the GPS promised me and there wouldn't be any more funny business.

At the client's home, they had widely-spaced cement pavers and I ended up rolling my ankle on one of my 6-7 trips to the door. The disappointment of delivering this weird order and not seeing an obvious religious sect or 18 Kids and Counting was nearly overwhelming.  No tinfoil hats or old-timey aprons or even a wall covered in newspaper articles with a lot of arrows and question marks in red ink. It was just a regular mom in workout gear and one toddler and a cat. Lame.

After all of this, the cherry on the top is that I forgot to mark the order as delivered until I got to my house like 10 minutes later so it seemed even later than it was. GAH!

Here's my summary - is Shipt a great program for shoppers and clients? Absolutely. Are you going to have tough shops? Inevitably. There are too many variables for it to always go smoothly. Did I get tipped for the giant, late order? Yes I did, $10. Not bad, but I definitely treated myself to some caramel M&Ms and that was probably more satisfying.

Day 11 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 11 - Something that you always think "what if..." about

Sorry about this post, here's a bunny to offset the trauma lol

Oh my. Well. I don't think I'm alone here in saying that we all have life choices we'd like to change. I went out of my way to sabotage my life early; or at least it seems that way, looking back on it. When I really think about it though, it wasn't so much that I wanted my life to trend downward, I just didn't have necessary support and life skills to do better.

In junior high and high school, I was a complete mess. I had all these big emotions and deep depression and no outlet for them. I wrote a lot (poetry, looooong letters I never sent, suicide notes, and self-eulogies - what I imagine is the usual depressed kid wheelhouse) and read a lot and listened to music but I could only manage myself, not make changes or improvements.

During this time in my life, and for probably 15 years after, I was only reacting to stimulus. I wasn't proactive. I didn't make plans for the future. I distracted myself and smoothed things over. I didn't try to think things through or wonder what was roiling beneath my surface. I just knew the surface was dark and damaged and chaotic and assumed everything underneath would be the same.

I think people who know me now would be very surprised to know the girl I was. I was nothing but hard angles, black and white lines, secrets, lies, and blind eyes. I was a fire that could somehow burn itself along with everyone else. I was silence and shouting and self-denial personified. I was a septic open wound with combat boots and fishnet stockings.

FYI, I was recently described as rainbow sprinkles. Just goes to show you how funny life is, though not always in a "haha" kind of way.

What if, during that time, I had seen a really good therapist? What could have changed in my life? It boggles the mind.

Maybe I wouldn't have married a guy almost 12 years older than me when I was 17. Maybe I would have learned to be independent and to hold on to myself. Maybe I would have gone to college and followed my dreams instead of surrounding myself with failure and defiance. Maybe I could have avoided some of the obstacles and pain. Maybe I wouldn't have had to fight so much, so hard, for so long.

All those experiences and decisions (or lack of decisions) led me to this incarnation of myself. I know we're supposed to say "I wouldn't change a thing; I am who I am because of my past" but I have never felt that kind of loyalty to the person I have become. If I could, I'd ball up the clay of my youth and reshape it into something beautiful, or at least useful.

Day 10 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 10 - Write about something for which you feel strongly

It sounds weird, but I really kind of hate this topic because my answer can only be an emotional one. I'm also prone to strong feelings. Regardless of the subject, I am likely to feel passionately about it in one way or another. I don't half-ass my feelings.

Maybe I should write about the thing that's been on my mind the most: getting a new job. I definitely have strong feelings about that.

On one hand, my family needs me to get a job. We have bills and a lot of fun and we'd like to keep paying for both. If I make a decent amount of money, it takes the strain off of my husband. He's unhappy at work and this situation makes him feel trapped because we rely on his paycheck. That's a terrible spot to be put in. We're paying a lot for health insurance - a ridiculous amount. If I got a job with insurance, I could eliminate like 3/4 of that particular bill.

On the other hand, ugh. I know that's not very eloquent but it feels accurate. I just got out of a job that made me miserable and I'm not looking forward to getting myself into another bad place. I'm the type that realizes that her office is awful and then continues to work there for another 5 years.

Most writing jobs are in content and SEO (search engine optimization). I don't want a job in SEO. I know this is a really unpopular attitude but I find SEO to be profoundly icky. The content you have to produce is shallow, keyword-heavy, less than truthful, and manipulative. I hate lying, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I also hate the idea of ripping off other people's work and of attaching my name to something low-quality.

The jobs that I would even consider require a degree and most of them are around downtown Austin anyway. I don't have a degree, I live in the suburbs, and I really hate long commutes, especially in traffic.

I like my schedule now. The house is much cleaner. I can have lunch with my son, go on field trips with him, and walk him home every day after school. I'm available to help people when they need me. If I'm up late taking care of a sick dog or kid or whatever, I can nap.

And I've been writing. That's really the best part. I've restarted the blog and I'm working on my novel. I've been heavily into affirmations and staying positive. I've never been happier.

So. What to do. Not that there's a real option. Obviously, I'm going back to work. I just really hope I end up where I'm supposed to be and the trade-offs are worth it.

Day 8 - 30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 8 - Share Something You Struggle With

Good grief, it might be easier for me to list the things I don't struggle with.

The biggest struggle I'm facing right now is my lack of focus. I read a lot of advice/self-help stuff and the key to getting your ideal life always seems to be laser-like focus.

My mind is everywhere and nowhere.  I have literally taken 3 breaks just while writing this far. Once, because I was getting a headache from not wearing my glasses - why was I even at the computer without my glasses to begin with? The next time was because I clicked over to Facebook for no reason and browsed like 6 things in my feed before remembering that I'm supposed to be writing. The third time I walked around my kitchen aimlessly and then got cereal (my stomach is off, as usual) before I remembered that I was in there to take an allergy pill. So yeah. That's a 10 minute slice of my day and I'm always like that.

I read a book (fib: I read the first few chapters) about female ADD/ADHD and it seems like a reasonable diagnosis for me when you look at the symptoms. I was thinking of myself as a lazy, absent-minded procrastinator so it was a relief to think that maybe it has more to do with the way my brain works than being a deeply flawed person.

Being this easily distracted means that I forget to finish things that I started because I've already moved on to something new. I have trouble cleaning house because I start reading a magazine I found while picking up. Or I'll stop sweeping because I remember that I set a goal to do laundry so I go into my room to get clothes which reminds me that I need to make the bed but maybe I shouldn't because I meant to wash the sheets yesterday anyway and wow, I need to put away this jewelry before I start losing earrings, what was that thing on Pinterest to organize jewelry and make up? Down the rabbit hole I go, only to emerge when I realize that it's time to pick up Alex from school and I have nothing  to show for my day.

Hilariously, there is an opposite to this as well. I will focus on one thing to the exclusion of all other stimulus. Usually, it's because I'm doing something creative and I'm in the zone. I can't hear my name being called in this mode. I can't follow a conversation or finish a sentence because I'm so physically and mentally involved with whatever it is. Sometimes I emerge from this state disoriented or drained. While it's exhausting and difficult to explain to other people, I prefer this version of myself because it's so productive and because the feeling in the zone is so sharp and euphoric.

I'm working on achieving more of those "in the zone" periods. I'm trying to set goals and create rules for myself; I'm using apps for meditation and developing good habits. I want to do better and to be more but, yeah, it's definitely a struggle.