Day 14 - Post your favorite movies, the ones you never get tired of watching.
I'm not super-excited by this prompt. It's boring.
The Royal Tenenbaums
Amelie
Clue
Lilo and Stitch
The Princess Bride
Labyrinth
Legend
Storks
Talladega Nights
French Kiss
7 Brides for 7 Brothers
Disney's Robin Hood
The Sword in the Stone
The Addams Family
The Emperor's New Groove
Monday, May 14, 2018
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Day 13 - 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 13 - What are you excited about?
This is a weirdly difficult question for me to answer. I get excited about everything: stickers, yarn, funny t-shirts, The Magicians, new projects, going to the movies, playing board games, learning new things, eating out, new books - the list goes on and on. It doesn't take much to get me pumped up.
I guess what really excites me is when I access that zone. I'm sure most people experience the zone I'm talking about. It's like your whole being is plugged into the source of creation. It's like you have access to all of your potential at the same time. It feels like every good idea you are capable of having is suddenly available, like you are finally vibrating at the right wavelength and you are whole. Your hands know just what to do, your body is confident in it's execution of your vision, even if the vision changes. Everything else falls away. Nothing impedes you. Nothing exists outside of your work. It's euphoria and bliss and peak efficiency. I've gotten that feeling while writing, painting, sculpting, drawing, and meditating so anything can make it happen. I've even felt it while during writing classes and while plotting to start a business.
That moment is what excites me. I want to live my life in such a way that I can experience the zone as frequently as I can. That's the goal.
 |
| Sooo much potential |
This is a weirdly difficult question for me to answer. I get excited about everything: stickers, yarn, funny t-shirts, The Magicians, new projects, going to the movies, playing board games, learning new things, eating out, new books - the list goes on and on. It doesn't take much to get me pumped up.
I guess what really excites me is when I access that zone. I'm sure most people experience the zone I'm talking about. It's like your whole being is plugged into the source of creation. It's like you have access to all of your potential at the same time. It feels like every good idea you are capable of having is suddenly available, like you are finally vibrating at the right wavelength and you are whole. Your hands know just what to do, your body is confident in it's execution of your vision, even if the vision changes. Everything else falls away. Nothing impedes you. Nothing exists outside of your work. It's euphoria and bliss and peak efficiency. I've gotten that feeling while writing, painting, sculpting, drawing, and meditating so anything can make it happen. I've even felt it while during writing classes and while plotting to start a business.
That moment is what excites me. I want to live my life in such a way that I can experience the zone as frequently as I can. That's the goal.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Day 12 - 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 12 - Write about 5 blessings in your life
Well, I have a lot of blessings in my life so I definitely want to complete this post! I've been sick since Sunday night so I am not in my prime and I really want to take a nap BUT I want to put something on the blog. So here we go, in no particular order:
1. My friends. You guys, I have the best friends. When I doubt myself or need help, they are right there. They check on me when I am sick! They love my kiddo. Having friends is such an amazing blessing because you choose each other. You have no formal obligation to each other but you choose each other every day. You tease each other about shortcomings but you also support each other through the hard times and you just do it because you love each other. I can't imagine greater riches than friendship.
2. My creative mind. Maybe it sounds weird to think of something about yourself as a blessing but let me talk you through it: you are a combination of what you were born with and what you have experienced. You might look like someone else and sound like someone else, but you can't think like someone else. I am blessed to be creative and to allow that creativity to become layered and nuanced and exposed is an infinite blessing. This is who I am, who I choose to be, where I plant my flag, and what steers my life and I feel incredibly blessed.
3. Readers/commenters. It's overwhelming to think that people read what I write because they enjoy it. You are spending a moment of your life "listening" to me and I find that both humbling and empowering. You make me feel like my dreams are attainable and that I am not stumbling around alone in the dark. Thank you so much for telling me how you feel and giving advice and being a part of the conversation. Thank you for your silent encouragement. Thank you for being a blessing in my life.
4. My son. Honestly, he has improved my life a million percent. He's challenging and confusing and hilarious and unintentionally brilliant, sometimes all in the same breath. He blows my mind. I miss the baby he was. I love the kiddo he is. I look forward to the guy he will become. Loving him is like loving a million people with the same name, he changes so much and grows all the time. He has depths that even he isn't aware of and it's such a blessing to support him on his life's journey.
5. My husband. Last but certainly not least. If you aren't married to your friend, what are you even doing with your life? He and I have been through rough stuff so our good times seem especially precious. He cares for me when I'm sick, worries about me when he's away, and makes me laugh so hard. We have a million in-jokes. He doesn't always "get" me but he tries to support me even so. He's such a good guy and a tremendous blessing in my life.
By the way, today is our 14th anniversary. We are low-key people and I've been sick this week so we hadn't planned anything but we just couldn't let the day slide by without comment. My friends (blessing) agreed last minute to watch my son (blessing) so my husband (blessing) and I can go out to eat. And I finished this entry with enough time to take a nap before I have to pick up the kiddo. Even an ordinary day can be a blessing jackpot if you let it.
Well, I have a lot of blessings in my life so I definitely want to complete this post! I've been sick since Sunday night so I am not in my prime and I really want to take a nap BUT I want to put something on the blog. So here we go, in no particular order:
1. My friends. You guys, I have the best friends. When I doubt myself or need help, they are right there. They check on me when I am sick! They love my kiddo. Having friends is such an amazing blessing because you choose each other. You have no formal obligation to each other but you choose each other every day. You tease each other about shortcomings but you also support each other through the hard times and you just do it because you love each other. I can't imagine greater riches than friendship.
2. My creative mind. Maybe it sounds weird to think of something about yourself as a blessing but let me talk you through it: you are a combination of what you were born with and what you have experienced. You might look like someone else and sound like someone else, but you can't think like someone else. I am blessed to be creative and to allow that creativity to become layered and nuanced and exposed is an infinite blessing. This is who I am, who I choose to be, where I plant my flag, and what steers my life and I feel incredibly blessed.
3. Readers/commenters. It's overwhelming to think that people read what I write because they enjoy it. You are spending a moment of your life "listening" to me and I find that both humbling and empowering. You make me feel like my dreams are attainable and that I am not stumbling around alone in the dark. Thank you so much for telling me how you feel and giving advice and being a part of the conversation. Thank you for your silent encouragement. Thank you for being a blessing in my life.
4. My son. Honestly, he has improved my life a million percent. He's challenging and confusing and hilarious and unintentionally brilliant, sometimes all in the same breath. He blows my mind. I miss the baby he was. I love the kiddo he is. I look forward to the guy he will become. Loving him is like loving a million people with the same name, he changes so much and grows all the time. He has depths that even he isn't aware of and it's such a blessing to support him on his life's journey.
5. My husband. Last but certainly not least. If you aren't married to your friend, what are you even doing with your life? He and I have been through rough stuff so our good times seem especially precious. He cares for me when I'm sick, worries about me when he's away, and makes me laugh so hard. We have a million in-jokes. He doesn't always "get" me but he tries to support me even so. He's such a good guy and a tremendous blessing in my life.
By the way, today is our 14th anniversary. We are low-key people and I've been sick this week so we hadn't planned anything but we just couldn't let the day slide by without comment. My friends (blessing) agreed last minute to watch my son (blessing) so my husband (blessing) and I can go out to eat. And I finished this entry with enough time to take a nap before I have to pick up the kiddo. Even an ordinary day can be a blessing jackpot if you let it.
Friday, May 4, 2018
Day 11 - 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 11 - Something that you always think "what if..." about
Oh my. Well. I don't think I'm alone here in saying that we all have life choices we'd like to change. I went out of my way to sabotage my life early; or at least it seems that way, looking back on it. When I really think about it though, it wasn't so much that I wanted my life to trend downward, I just didn't have necessary support and life skills to do better.
In junior high and high school, I was a complete mess. I had all these big emotions and deep depression and no outlet for them. I wrote a lot (poetry, looooong letters I never sent, suicide notes, and self-eulogies - what I imagine is the usual depressed kid wheelhouse) and read a lot and listened to music but I could only manage myself, not make changes or improvements.
During this time in my life, and for probably 15 years after, I was only reacting to stimulus. I wasn't proactive. I didn't make plans for the future. I distracted myself and smoothed things over. I didn't try to think things through or wonder what was roiling beneath my surface. I just knew the surface was dark and damaged and chaotic and assumed everything underneath would be the same.
I think people who know me now would be very surprised to know the girl I was. I was nothing but hard angles, black and white lines, secrets, lies, and blind eyes. I was a fire that could somehow burn itself along with everyone else. I was silence and shouting and self-denial personified. I was a septic open wound with combat boots and fishnet stockings.
FYI, I was recently described as rainbow sprinkles. Just goes to show you how funny life is, though not always in a "haha" kind of way.
What if, during that time, I had seen a really good therapist? What could have changed in my life? It boggles the mind.
Maybe I wouldn't have married a guy almost 12 years older than me when I was 17. Maybe I would have learned to be independent and to hold on to myself. Maybe I would have gone to college and followed my dreams instead of surrounding myself with failure and defiance. Maybe I could have avoided some of the obstacles and pain. Maybe I wouldn't have had to fight so much, so hard, for so long.
All those experiences and decisions (or lack of decisions) led me to this incarnation of myself. I know we're supposed to say "I wouldn't change a thing; I am who I am because of my past" but I have never felt that kind of loyalty to the person I have become. If I could, I'd ball up the clay of my youth and reshape it into something beautiful, or at least useful.
 |
| Sorry about this post, here's a bunny to offset the trauma lol |
Oh my. Well. I don't think I'm alone here in saying that we all have life choices we'd like to change. I went out of my way to sabotage my life early; or at least it seems that way, looking back on it. When I really think about it though, it wasn't so much that I wanted my life to trend downward, I just didn't have necessary support and life skills to do better.
In junior high and high school, I was a complete mess. I had all these big emotions and deep depression and no outlet for them. I wrote a lot (poetry, looooong letters I never sent, suicide notes, and self-eulogies - what I imagine is the usual depressed kid wheelhouse) and read a lot and listened to music but I could only manage myself, not make changes or improvements.
During this time in my life, and for probably 15 years after, I was only reacting to stimulus. I wasn't proactive. I didn't make plans for the future. I distracted myself and smoothed things over. I didn't try to think things through or wonder what was roiling beneath my surface. I just knew the surface was dark and damaged and chaotic and assumed everything underneath would be the same.
I think people who know me now would be very surprised to know the girl I was. I was nothing but hard angles, black and white lines, secrets, lies, and blind eyes. I was a fire that could somehow burn itself along with everyone else. I was silence and shouting and self-denial personified. I was a septic open wound with combat boots and fishnet stockings.
FYI, I was recently described as rainbow sprinkles. Just goes to show you how funny life is, though not always in a "haha" kind of way.
What if, during that time, I had seen a really good therapist? What could have changed in my life? It boggles the mind.
Maybe I wouldn't have married a guy almost 12 years older than me when I was 17. Maybe I would have learned to be independent and to hold on to myself. Maybe I would have gone to college and followed my dreams instead of surrounding myself with failure and defiance. Maybe I could have avoided some of the obstacles and pain. Maybe I wouldn't have had to fight so much, so hard, for so long.
All those experiences and decisions (or lack of decisions) led me to this incarnation of myself. I know we're supposed to say "I wouldn't change a thing; I am who I am because of my past" but I have never felt that kind of loyalty to the person I have become. If I could, I'd ball up the clay of my youth and reshape it into something beautiful, or at least useful.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Day 10 - 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 10 - Write about something for which you feel strongly
It sounds weird, but I really kind of hate this topic because my answer can only be an emotional one. I'm also prone to strong feelings. Regardless of the subject, I am likely to feel passionately about it in one way or another. I don't half-ass my feelings.
Maybe I should write about the thing that's been on my mind the most: getting a new job. I definitely have strong feelings about that.
On one hand, my family needs me to get a job. We have bills and a lot of fun and we'd like to keep paying for both. If I make a decent amount of money, it takes the strain off of my husband. He's unhappy at work and this situation makes him feel trapped because we rely on his paycheck. That's a terrible spot to be put in. We're paying a lot for health insurance - a ridiculous amount. If I got a job with insurance, I could eliminate like 3/4 of that particular bill.
On the other hand, ugh. I know that's not very eloquent but it feels accurate. I just got out of a job that made me miserable and I'm not looking forward to getting myself into another bad place. I'm the type that realizes that her office is awful and then continues to work there for another 5 years.
Most writing jobs are in content and SEO (search engine optimization). I don't want a job in SEO. I know this is a really unpopular attitude but I find SEO to be profoundly icky. The content you have to produce is shallow, keyword-heavy, less than truthful, and manipulative. I hate lying, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I also hate the idea of ripping off other people's work and of attaching my name to something low-quality.
The jobs that I would even consider require a degree and most of them are around downtown Austin anyway. I don't have a degree, I live in the suburbs, and I really hate long commutes, especially in traffic.
I like my schedule now. The house is much cleaner. I can have lunch with my son, go on field trips with him, and walk him home every day after school. I'm available to help people when they need me. If I'm up late taking care of a sick dog or kid or whatever, I can nap.
And I've been writing. That's really the best part. I've restarted the blog and I'm working on my novel. I've been heavily into affirmations and staying positive. I've never been happier.
So. What to do. Not that there's a real option. Obviously, I'm going back to work. I just really hope I end up where I'm supposed to be and the trade-offs are worth it.
It sounds weird, but I really kind of hate this topic because my answer can only be an emotional one. I'm also prone to strong feelings. Regardless of the subject, I am likely to feel passionately about it in one way or another. I don't half-ass my feelings.
Maybe I should write about the thing that's been on my mind the most: getting a new job. I definitely have strong feelings about that.
On one hand, my family needs me to get a job. We have bills and a lot of fun and we'd like to keep paying for both. If I make a decent amount of money, it takes the strain off of my husband. He's unhappy at work and this situation makes him feel trapped because we rely on his paycheck. That's a terrible spot to be put in. We're paying a lot for health insurance - a ridiculous amount. If I got a job with insurance, I could eliminate like 3/4 of that particular bill.
On the other hand, ugh. I know that's not very eloquent but it feels accurate. I just got out of a job that made me miserable and I'm not looking forward to getting myself into another bad place. I'm the type that realizes that her office is awful and then continues to work there for another 5 years.
Most writing jobs are in content and SEO (search engine optimization). I don't want a job in SEO. I know this is a really unpopular attitude but I find SEO to be profoundly icky. The content you have to produce is shallow, keyword-heavy, less than truthful, and manipulative. I hate lying, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I also hate the idea of ripping off other people's work and of attaching my name to something low-quality.
The jobs that I would even consider require a degree and most of them are around downtown Austin anyway. I don't have a degree, I live in the suburbs, and I really hate long commutes, especially in traffic.
I like my schedule now. The house is much cleaner. I can have lunch with my son, go on field trips with him, and walk him home every day after school. I'm available to help people when they need me. If I'm up late taking care of a sick dog or kid or whatever, I can nap.
And I've been writing. That's really the best part. I've restarted the blog and I'm working on my novel. I've been heavily into affirmations and staying positive. I've never been happier.
So. What to do. Not that there's a real option. Obviously, I'm going back to work. I just really hope I end up where I'm supposed to be and the trade-offs are worth it.
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Day 9 - 30 Day Writing Challenge
Day 9 - Post words of wisdom that speak to you
Good gravy, people. There are so many! I've read several books that have been incredibly influential in my growth and I like to read blogs written by people who are figuring out their lives at a faster pace than most. I am trying to always be in a position to receive wisdom so I don't lose hope or start doubting the journey.
I guess the bit of advice that's been most valuable to me has been that the energy you put out into the world is the energy that you get back. So if you are focusing on being broke and your crappy job and your low self-esteem, if you are focusing on fear and being stuck in a rut, whatever your are focusing on, you are inviting into your life.
Don't get me wrong, "into every life a little rain must fall" and some people get hurricanes despite their energy. I know, life is not for wimps. BUT - when I stopped being afraid of not having control and let my life unfold without judgement, it was easier to keep a clear head to make better decisions. I no longer felt like a victim of circumstance. When I started feeling more positive about myself and my abilities, I felt more powerful. I'm braver and more fulfilled now and it all comes down to the energy and thoughts that I generate.
Activity can work against depression. Letting go of control can release fear. Treating yourself well can lead to others treating you well. Any forward motion, even baby steps, can gather momentum. Gratitude opens you up to more blessings.
I see it and I see the truth of it. I've seen it work for me. It's not always easy to remember but I am making a conscious effort to stay positive and grateful and excited about what's next.
By the way, one of the best books for this attitude is You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Star Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
Good gravy, people. There are so many! I've read several books that have been incredibly influential in my growth and I like to read blogs written by people who are figuring out their lives at a faster pace than most. I am trying to always be in a position to receive wisdom so I don't lose hope or start doubting the journey.
I guess the bit of advice that's been most valuable to me has been that the energy you put out into the world is the energy that you get back. So if you are focusing on being broke and your crappy job and your low self-esteem, if you are focusing on fear and being stuck in a rut, whatever your are focusing on, you are inviting into your life.
Don't get me wrong, "into every life a little rain must fall" and some people get hurricanes despite their energy. I know, life is not for wimps. BUT - when I stopped being afraid of not having control and let my life unfold without judgement, it was easier to keep a clear head to make better decisions. I no longer felt like a victim of circumstance. When I started feeling more positive about myself and my abilities, I felt more powerful. I'm braver and more fulfilled now and it all comes down to the energy and thoughts that I generate.
Activity can work against depression. Letting go of control can release fear. Treating yourself well can lead to others treating you well. Any forward motion, even baby steps, can gather momentum. Gratitude opens you up to more blessings.
I see it and I see the truth of it. I've seen it work for me. It's not always easy to remember but I am making a conscious effort to stay positive and grateful and excited about what's next.
By the way, one of the best books for this attitude is You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Star Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
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